Me: Do we have any holidays in August coming up?
Jason: I’m not sure, we have Labor day coming up.
Me: I’m getting all this shit confused. We have Labor Day, Memorial Day, President’s Day weekend, Martin Luther King Jr. Day . . .
Wait. Isn’t there a Black Awareness Month?
Jason: Don’t you mean Black History Month?
Me: Mmmm. Yeah. Was definitely thinking about October being Breast Cancer Awareness month and my brain combined the two. Seriously. Of all the fucking things to die from, what kind of fucking marketing do you need to get an entire month dedicated to “Breast Cancer Awareness”? Not saying it isn’t important, just saying lots of people die from lots of other shit and they don’t get a month dedicated to them.
Jason: I see what your brain did there. And yes, lots and lots of marketing.
Me: Right. So. What the fuck is Flag Day? Isn’t it in June? Is that the day we get to put whatever the fuck flag we want in front of our house because it’s Flag Day?
“Let’s put the flag of Brazil in front this year!”
“NO! We put a South American flag in front last year!”
“Ok, well what if we place a pirate flag in front this year?”
Jason: No. Flag day is about the American flag.
Me: Well that’s stupid. It would be way more interesting if we could put pirate flags in the front yard on Flag Day.
Jason: Just, no.